The Human-Animal Bond

By Lisa Havelin, LMFT

Animals are integral to so many of our lives. They offer us a space to be completely and utterly ourselves—without the masks we sometimes feel compelled to wear.

Human relationships can feel fraught and complex. Many of us have been wounded within them. Those experiences can leave us guarded, uncertain, or unsafe. With animals, however, we always know where we stand. We are met with unconditional love—and I mean unconditional in its truest sense.

Our animals love us to the moon and back, no matter what. They not only provide space for us to be our unvarnished selves, but they also invite us to love openly, completely, and without holding back.

When I speak with clients about their “inner critic,” one of the skills we practice is developing affirmations—learning to speak kindly to ourselves instead of critically. The most accessible way I’ve found to help people locate those words is simple: Talk to yourself the way you talk to your dog.

“I love you so much.” “

You’re such a good girl.”

“Look at how pretty you are.”

“You’re so smart.”

These are words that often flow effortlessly toward our animals.

Culturally, we are often given the message that people are more important than animals. That belief can inadvertently disenfranchise the depth of our love and diminish the primary importance of these relationships—relationships that are vital, supportive, and profoundly life-affirming.

There is no way to overstate the essential role animals play in our family systems. They meet our fundamental need for connection in ways our human relationships sometimes cannot. In doing so, they give us a felt sense—deep in our bodies—of what it is to be loved in its purest form.

That experience becomes wired into our neurobiology: a sense of safety, a sense of being perfectly acceptable just as we are, a sense of deep connection for no other reason than that we exist.

These elements of emotional safety are immeasurable in their impact on our well-being. They lay down neural pathways that are vital to our capacity for joy, resilience, and connectedness.

Our animal companions are not peripheral to our lives. They are often the light of our lives— essential to our well-being in ways that are both profound and enduring. 

Lisa Havelin, LMFT, specializes in the human-animal bond, grief and bereavement, trauma, somatic mindfulness, and chronic pain.